Fire Trucks and Butterflies

This is just the beginning ladies...I am going to do full real recap after I get my hands on the photos that Coleen has on her camera.

Consider the following:
Boys dressed as the "Village People" impersonating strippers. The bride saying, and I quote: "YOU got me a STRIPPER?! I HATE YOU". Soon she found out not a stripper but her fiance and all his lunatic friends.

I may have had a drink and erased all the photos from Penelope's digital camera...oh crap, she's gonna kill me.

Drag Show with more straight boys than not. Not a good time.

An after party that goes til 4-4:30am...leaving me to say the next day when I wake up:"There is NO WAY I am going out tonight" and shockingly enough, I was able to stick to it.

"Eat steak, eat steak, eat a big old steer": don't ask.

11am: day of wedding, avoid first crisis with the chair rental company. Chairs in wrong place, groom freaking out. The should have been best man, trying to talk Groom off the ledge, with fairly limited success, I fix it in 30 seconds.

Fight with woman at Bed and Breakfast where Bride and Groom are staying, apparently she doesn't understand what it means when I say "the wedding is in one hour and we've got to get ready." To fix her little red wagon, Coleen plows down a planter and a shed on our getaway.

4:00: Wedding time, Groomsmen still hanging out drinking beer. I drop F-bomb in front of the father of the bride to get the groomsmen going.
4:05: Firetruck shows up
4:14: we get in firetruck, bride gets in limo
4:15: Where the F are we going? We are supposed to walk in from this side, seriously, where are we going?
4:17: oh i see....photographer on wrong side, harpist on wrong side. oh well...rock it out.
4:20: guests still walking in. hold up bridesmaids
4:22: send bridesmaids....
4:25: holy crap....heel sinking into grass....don't fall down!
4:27: Bride down the aisle.
4:30: officiant needs to speed up...am standing in blazing sun sweating bullets.
4:45: down the aisle, sans best man and butterflies.
4:47:receiving line....except no one understands...so i make them understand.
4:55: photos. hate photographer....posing is nonsense...i would never hold my flowers this way...its cheesy.
5:05: back to rebecca's for a cocktail..then on to reception. thank god.


More tomorrow...I want to leave you wanting more.

Remember: tomorrow is reception with Frederick the Entertainer and the gold tooth!